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For years, I lived with the weight of toxic relationships that left me questioning my worth. I believed that I didn’t deserve any better. I thought I was unworthy of healthy love and connection. But the truth is, I was wrong—and it took me time to realize that. This is the story of how I broke free from that mindset and learned to embrace healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
The Lie I Believed About Myself
It started when I was younger. Like many of us, I didn’t fully understand what healthy love looked like. I grew up surrounded by relationships that were, at best, dysfunctional, and, at worst, emotionally abusive. I didn’t have a clear role model for what love was supposed to feel like. Instead, I internalized the idea that love should be hard. Love should be dramatic. Love should be a struggle.
As I got older, I found myself drawn to toxic relationships. I didn’t recognize the red flags because I didn’t know that a loving relationship could look different from the chaos I was familiar with. I thought I was destined to find partners who mirrored the unhealthy dynamics I’d seen growing up. In my mind, that was all I deserved.
The worst part? I stayed in those relationships far longer than I should have. The emotional turmoil, the ups and downs, the constant questioning of my worth—it all became a familiar part of my life. I believed that I was somehow less than deserving of real love, real respect, and real care. I thought that if I could just try harder, if I could just love them more, things would change. But it never did.
Realizing That I Deserved More
The turning point came during a particularly dark time in one of these toxic relationships. I had been hurt, lied to, and manipulated so many times that I couldn’t keep track anymore. I’d lost myself in someone else’s drama and neglected my own needs. One night, after a particularly painful argument, I found myself crying alone in my apartment, wondering how I’d gotten here.
That’s when something shifted. I asked myself a question that I’d never dared to ask before: What if I deserved more than this? What if I didn’t have to accept being treated this way? The idea was so foreign, but for the first time in years, I allowed myself to consider it.
At that moment, I realized that I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t unworthy. I had just been convinced by toxic partners that I wasn’t enough. But I was enough—and I always had been.
The Journey of Letting Go
Breaking free from toxic relationships wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a single moment of realization and then poof—everything was better. In fact, it was messy. It took time, effort, and the willingness to face some uncomfortable truths about myself.
The first step was learning to trust myself again. I had spent so long looking for validation from others, constantly seeking approval from people who didn’t care about my well-being, that I had forgotten how to trust my own judgment. I had to relearn how to listen to my gut and to stop making excuses for people who didn’t deserve my time or energy.
The second step was setting boundaries. I had never been good at boundaries. I thought that being “nice” meant allowing others to walk all over me. But once I began to understand my worth, I realized that saying no wasn’t just okay—it was necessary for my mental and emotional health. I started cutting ties with people who didn’t respect my boundaries and stopped allowing toxic behaviors to slide.
There were times when I faltered. I found myself doubting my decision to walk away, especially when I faced loneliness or when old patterns started to feel familiar. But each time I felt that pull back toward unhealthy dynamics, I reminded myself: I deserve better. And little by little, I began to believe it.
Finding the Strength to Choose Myself
The most empowering part of this journey was learning how to choose myself. For so long, I had been putting others’ needs above my own, thinking that this would somehow earn me love and validation. But I realized that true love—real, healthy love—starts with self-love. If I couldn’t love and respect myself first, how could I expect anyone else to?
I spent time working on healing my own wounds. I sought therapy, read books on self-worth, and surrounded myself with supportive, healthy relationships. I learned how to embrace my imperfections and accept myself exactly as I am. The more I worked on myself, the more I began to attract people who treated me with the respect and kindness I deserved.
The Rewards of Breaking Free
As time passed, I realized that breaking free from toxic relationships wasn’t just about leaving people behind—it was about opening myself up to new possibilities. I found friendships that were supportive and uplifting. I cultivated relationships with people who respected my boundaries and cared about my well-being. Most importantly, I learned how to be my own best friend.
Breaking free from the belief that I didn’t deserve better was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was also the most rewarding. I learned to see myself as worthy of love, respect, and happiness. I learned that love shouldn’t be painful. It shouldn’t be exhausting. And most importantly, it should never make you feel less than who you are.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Better Than Toxic Relationships
If you find yourself stuck in a toxic relationship or trapped in the belief that you don’t deserve anything better, I want you to know something: You are worthy. You are worthy of love that lifts you up, of relationships that support your growth, and of a life that doesn’t revolve around drama and pain.
It may not happen overnight, but you can break free from toxic relationships. You can let go of the harmful beliefs that hold you back and start believing in your own worth. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion, but it is worth every bit of effort.
You deserve to be treated with kindness. You deserve respect. You deserve a relationship where you can thrive, not just survive. And I promise you: you are more than capable of finding that love and creating the life you deserve.
