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Getting married young is often seen as a romantic gesture of love and commitment, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of starting a life with someone you care deeply about. But as time goes on, the weight of responsibility, personal growth, and changing life goals can lead some people to experience regret.
The truth is, marrying young isn’t always the fairy tale we imagine in our early years. The dreams we have for our futures and the people we want to become can shift over time, and what once felt like a perfect match can start to feel like a heavy burden. While not everyone who marries young regrets it, there are certain subtle behaviors that can indicate that someone is struggling with their decision. If you notice these signs, it may be worth reflecting on how their feelings could affect the relationship—and their overall happiness.
Here are eight subtle behaviors often displayed by people who married young and later regret it:
1) They Express Longing for Lost Experiences
One of the most common behaviors exhibited by people who regret marrying young is the subtle longing for experiences they feel they missed out on. This can manifest in small comments about “what could have been” or wistful remarks about how things might have turned out if they had waited longer to marry.
For example, they might say things like, “I always wondered what it would be like to travel the world before settling down” or “I never had the chance to really figure out who I am outside of a relationship.”
When you hear these types of comments frequently, it could be a sign that they are struggling with the realization that they gave up opportunities for personal exploration or self-discovery that are now harder to pursue.
I’ve had conversations with a friend who married young, and while she loves her family, she often talks about how she wished she had the chance to travel and explore career options on her own. These moments of longing can sometimes feel like a hidden regret.
2) They Start Questioning Their Identity
Marriage, especially at a young age, can sometimes blur the lines of personal identity. People who marry young may find themselves defining who they are through their spouse or the role they play in the relationship rather than through their own individual experiences.
Subtle signs that this may be happening include a person becoming overly dependent on their spouse for validation or constantly deferring to their partner’s opinions rather than expressing their own. They might also struggle to articulate their individual desires or passions outside of the context of the relationship.
I’ve noticed this in people I know who married young. Over time, they began losing touch with their own passions, as they put their partner’s needs and desires first. This isn’t always apparent to others, but it’s something that can affect their personal growth and happiness.
3) They Show Signs of Resentment or Bitterness
Another subtle behavior that might indicate regret is the presence of underlying resentment or bitterness. This might not always be overt, but there may be moments when they become defensive, sarcastic, or dismissive about their marriage. They might also take out frustrations about their personal or professional life on their partner, even if it’s unrelated to their relationship.
These emotions can build up over time as they come to terms with how their early commitment may have impacted their life choices. It’s often not about the spouse themselves, but rather the way the marriage has shaped their opportunities and freedom.
I’ve observed couples where one partner, despite being generally kind, would occasionally snap or express discontent when certain life situations arose. When it’s connected to deep regrets about the marriage, these moments can become more frequent.
4) They Avoid Talking About the Future
People who marry young and later regret it may find it difficult to discuss the future with excitement or optimism. They might avoid conversations about long-term goals or future plans because they feel trapped in a life they didn’t fully choose or understand at the time.
They may avoid topics like career growth, dreams of traveling, or future aspirations, often sidestepping them in favor of discussing more immediate or mundane concerns. This can stem from a fear that looking ahead will bring up feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfilled potential.
A friend who married at 22 once told me she didn’t want to talk about her career goals because she felt like she had already sacrificed too much for her family. When the future feels overwhelming or filled with regrets, it’s hard to even dream about what could be ahead.
5) They Become Overly Focused on Their Kids or Career
People who regret marrying young often redirect their attention away from their spouse and focus intensely on other aspects of their life. They might dive headfirst into their career or become hyper-focused on their kids’ activities and needs, using these as an outlet to avoid confronting their feelings about their marriage.
In these cases, their attention is shifted toward something they feel more in control of or passionate about, as a way to escape the feeling of being stuck. This can also manifest in them neglecting their own personal well-being, as they throw themselves into other people’s needs.
I’ve seen this pattern in some couples where one partner becomes almost obsessive about their children’s success or their career development. In these cases, it often feels like they’re using these things to avoid the emotional disconnect they feel in their marriage.
6) They Seem Overly Concerned About Their Appearance
Another sign of regret can be a shift in how someone presents themselves, particularly when they start paying extra attention to their appearance. This can be a subtle signal that they are trying to recapture the youthful freedom and individuality they feel they’ve lost since marriage.
If they suddenly begin dressing more stylishly, hitting the gym more often, or undergoing cosmetic changes, it could reflect a desire to reinvent themselves or reclaim some of the confidence they might have lost over the years.
I had a friend who married young and, years later, started making drastic changes to her appearance. While it wasn’t all about regret, there was an underlying sense that she was trying to rediscover herself in a way that was separate from her identity as a wife and mother.
7) They Struggle with Emotional Intimacy
A common behavior of people who regret marrying young is difficulty with emotional intimacy, particularly if they feel that their emotional needs have been neglected over time. They might be physically present in the relationship but emotionally distant. This might look like avoiding deep conversations, refusing to share personal thoughts, or shutting down when things get serious.
While every relationship goes through phases of emotional disconnect, for someone who regrets their early marriage, it can feel like they are emotionally tethered to someone they no longer feel connected to. This can create a significant gap in the relationship, leading to frustration and emotional distance.
I’ve observed some couples where one person retreats into themselves when things get emotional, leaving their partner feeling like they’re speaking to a wall. It’s a subtle sign of someone who feels misunderstood or trapped by a life they didn’t fully choose.
8) They Display Indifference or Emotional Detachment
Lastly, emotional detachment or indifference can be a telltale sign that someone regrets marrying young. When they seem emotionally removed from their partner, they might not react strongly to good or bad news, and their responses may feel flat or disconnected. They might also withdraw from physical affection, avoiding intimacy or cuddling, and focusing more on their own personal space and comfort.
This detachment can be a defense mechanism developed over time when they realize that their relationship isn’t fulfilling their deeper emotional needs. They might not openly admit their regrets but show them in the way they distance themselves from their spouse.
Final Thoughts
Regret doesn’t always show up loudly or dramatically, especially when it comes to decisions like marriage. For those who married young, the signs can be subtle, hiding beneath the surface of everyday interactions. If you recognize these behaviors in someone close to you, it may be helpful to approach them with understanding and compassion, as these feelings often come with deep inner conflict and personal struggle.
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it can also be challenging when we’re forced to grow and evolve in ways we didn’t anticipate. For those who regret marrying young, the journey to self-discovery can be a long and difficult process—but it’s also a chance for healing and renewal, both individually and as a couple.
